Anyone who has listened to the podcast for a few weeks knows that I’m a sucker for a good love story. Romantic comedy, tearjerker, etc… But the fact of the matter is, I don’t really know why this is the case. I think, in a broad sense, I tend to love movies that focus in on human interaction and emotion, whether it be through romantic relationships, the family dynamic, self discovery, coming of age, or some other topic that fits under that wide umbrella. I could probably write an article about each of those, but for now I’ll try to focus on romantic relationships. From there, I’m going to try to classify movies into certain situations and talk about why movies of that variety appeal to me or what I tend to take away from them.

I’ll say up front, this article will probably contain spoilers but I will try to remain relatively light on the spoilers. That being said, if you haven’t seen any of the three Before films from director Richard Linklater (Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight), then I suggest you halt upon reading this article and go watch all three of them immediately. Similarly, I think you should go unspoiled into Crazy, Stupid, Love which I find to be a fantastic film. Finally, I’d like to note that I’m omitting one rom-com/chick flick that will likely be discussed more in-depth at a later date, but I also didn’t quite know where to put it. But suffice it to say that one of my favorites is nowhere to be found on this list.

Without further ado, onward with the article.

Break Up Films

Examples: (500) Days of Summer, High Fidelity, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Crazy, Stupid, Love, Her, etc.

In this case, it’s generally not about escapism. There’s not much delight in watching someone (or multiple people) deal with a break up. In fact, a lot of the time it can be pretty painful. Which is why a few of the movies above sprinkle in some comedy as well, to even it out a bit. To be honest, I feel as though each movie I’ve listed I can learn a different lesson from:

• (500) Days of Summer – Take the good with the bad. It’s difficult to remember that things weren’t always sunshine and roses when you’re trying to get over someone.
• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – On the other side of the token of (500), maybe at the end of a relationship you might wish it never happened or that you could remove all of the memories from your brain. In the end, even if you could do it, you could probably find a few reasons to not forget it all. Maybe because times were once good and beautiful, or maybe so that you’re not doomed to repeat the same mistakes again.
• High Fidelity – Sometimes it’s important to take stock. To try and pin down the lesson that needed to be learned from the end of a relationship or several relationships.
• Crazy, Stupid, Love – Relationships sometimes become routine and habit. It would be a shame to let a relationship implode because you’ve both forgotten to work at it when life gets in the way.
• Her – Still working on this one.

One of my favorite lines from (500) Days of Summer comes from Geoffrey Arend’s character, McKenzie. He says to the main character, Tom (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt), “Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.” I feel like that’s what a lot of these movies are doing. Script writers (or the source material author in the case of High Fidelity) are turning their personal experiences with these relationships into art. Maybe they’re learning from their mistakes and putting the work out there to show others what lessons they’ve learned or to help others learn these lessons themselves. But maybe not. Maybe they’re just trying to make a good story. But that doesn’t stop someone like me from doing the english teacher/death of an author kind of thing and start ascribing greater meaning to it.

Unrequited Love Films

Examples: Drinking Buddies, Up in the Air, Rushmore, The Kings of Summer, etc.

Those first two examples are a little iffy, the love isn’t entirely unrequited, but I think they still kind of fit in the category. Lessons learned generally end up being something about looking for love in a different place or understanding that the relationship that you have with the person you love is worth too much to potentially mess up. The dynamics in these kinds of movies are always interesting to watch. Someone falls a little harder than the other or both of the people don’t really know what they want out of their relationship with each other… There’s always something very real about it. It’s a bit different than those fairytale stories where he wins her back or she finds the man of her dreams. I feel like a lot of people find themselves in situations like these, falling in love with a best friend or someone who just doesn’t see them in that way, and the movies that have the ability to explore this in a real or effective way are usually quite good. Willie brought up on our Top 10 Movies of 2014 podcast that The Kings of Summer deals with this idea in a pretty interesting way. How the dynamics of a friendship between guys, or really boys at the time, ultimately ends up changing when girls enter the picture. Unrequited love can break some of the closest friendships because sometimes people just can’t deal with that imbalance of feelings. So it’s always interesting to see different approaches to the idea on film, especially in different times of life.

Films About Learning to (Accept) Love

Examples: Keeping the Faith, Her, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, etc.

Wow. The examples I gave are all really, really different movies. Her may not completely belong in the group, as it’s more about Joaquin’s character Theodore learning about himself and love in general. But I feel as though Keeping the Faith is a bit of a hidden gem. My brother has always been a fan of this movie and I, too, have taken quite a liking to it. I’ve always been a fan of Edward Norton and I though it was a great directorial debut from him. The movie centers a lot around faith and religion. Both of the main characters struggle to deal with love, their faith, and the issues of both aspects bleeding into each other. There’s a bit in there about finding love where you least expect it, but I think the bigger message is more about getting yourself out of the way of the love you deserve. That’s kind of true of Her as well, and definitely one of the main points of Perks. I think it’s a message that a lot of people don’t get or never think about. Sometimes you get to points in life where you’re looking for the reasons that things won’t work out instead of taking that leap of faith and letting it play out. Maybe with good reason, fear of things working out or fear of destroying something good for a mere (unlikely?) chance at something better.

Plain Old Chick Flicks

Examples: 10 Things I Hate About You, She’s All That, Can’t Hardly Wait, Dirty Dancing, Sleepless in Seattle, The Notebook, etc.

The most straight-forward of the bunch, but that doesn’t mean they’re completely without warrant or use. Most of the time they’re just fun. It’s great watching young Heath Ledger and Joseph Gordon-Levitt in high school in 10 Things trying to win over Julia Stiles and her movie sister. They’re usually quite formulaic but generally you get a lot of great actors coming through and doing a good job even if they could just phone it in. But I also think these are kind of the movies that do the most damage. Sometimes unrealistic expectations of these kinds of situations can cause you to miss out on something that would otherwise be great. But just because he doesn’t sing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” to the whole field during gym class doesn’t mean he’s not worth giving a shot. Same goes for any gender situation for that matter.

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I’m sure Netflix has a million more micro-genres for me to sort things in to and discuss about, but I’m starting to find a common theme. Love is something that almost everyone looks for in life. Some find it early, some find it late, some find it fleeting, some find it everlasting, and some may never find it at all. Watching movies about love help me figure out what it means to me, what I think it should mean to me, what I think it can mean for others. Watching movies about break ups can remind you that you’re not the first nor will you be the last person to go through a break up, and there’s some amount of comfort in that. Sometimes these movies can equip you with ways to approach different issues in romance. Maybe they’re good for a pick up line or two… Or a romantic gesture for your loved one.

I think there’s a lot of reasons to watch movies like these, even as a guy. Being a guy is a poor excuse to throw the baby out with the bathwater. So next time you find yourself skipping a movie because it’s probably too much a chick flick… Maybe stick around and see what you can learn. For those of you out there who do watch these kinds of movies, what draws you to them? Shoot us an email at feedback@midwestfilmnerds.com or talk to us on twitter @mfnpodcast.